The “routine” helps kids to stay calm
Before I got married and made my own family, I was scared of the idea of having children. I would watch families with children, wondering how they could manage the responsibility of a person who was totally dependent on them!!! I couldn’t imagine how it was possible to cope with all those negative behaviours of little small people. I used to feel insecure and afraid of the idea of being a mum. Then I started thinking that there must be another way…it should not be so hard…
As soon as I got pregnant I started reading books about the pregnancy period, understanding all the stages of the baby’s growth and how important it was for me to be calm and happy. At the same time I was searching and reading, to find information for the period after birth. I was wondering how I could understand and carry out the needs of a baby. For me, it is important and makes me feel safe when I have an idea of what to expect or at least not to act blindly.
I concluded that a baby is content if they have a routine to follow and a happy mum. A child who does not follow a standard program in their day, that is, a routine, is more possible to be unable to function harmoniously and calmly within it. As a result, it will exert tension, hyperactivity or even nerves, because the program and the routine give the child the feeling of security they need to be mentally calm.
I once had a very enlightening conversation with an experienced mom who was trying to explain to me the importance of routine. She told me that routine is the first step in teaching a child where the boundaries are. The child learns to eat at about the same time every day and not whenever they want, sleep around 8 pm and not at whatever time they think is best etc. I remember she gave me the following example which made it all very clear in my mind. She said: “Imagine that your coach tells to you to start running, without giving you any further instructions. What do you do? Do you start running? And if so, for how long, in which direction, how fast… Therefore, everyone must know under what conditions to “run”.”
By routine, I mean meal time, bedtime, the place the child eats, the people who spend time with the child, when to play, when to read, etc. Of course, this is not a strict program from which the child can not deviate! On the contrary, a child who sleeps sometimes at 21:00 and sometimes at 23:00, who eats lunch on the couch or sometimes in the dining room, who doesn’t know if mom or dad or grandma will look after them in the afternoon, who is allowed to sleep on the couch and then transferred to their bed, has a chaotic schedule and is not calm. A child’s day can be very chaotic, without the parents realising it!
Added to this, is the stress that parents can feel from a chaotic or overloaded schedule and tiredness during the day, which often leads to a lack of strict boundaries for the child. A child’s exposure to tablets, laptops, smartphones, etc. burdens a child’s daily routine.
To raise a calm child, you need a quiet space (home, room), a typical routine (waking up, breakfast, school, lunch, studying, playing, personal hygiene, extracurricular activities, bedtime, etc.), designated eating areas, fixed hours of studying etc
I have two wonderful children, Alexander and Victoria. I tried to give them a consistent routine and in my experience, when I was able to stick to it, I had very few problems to deal with. It’s very difficult to follow someone else’s routine, let alone a child’s schedule. There were many times when I wanted to do something different, but I chose not to because I knew the reactions. I believe most of the time there is another way to do things…be flexible!!! I remember putting the kids to bed (around 8 pm), kissing them goodnight, and then going out with my husband, family, or friends. There was always a grandparent, sister, brother, or friend available to stay with them, to babysit.
I can’t remember myself feeling trapped by the routine of the kids because when they were little I had so many things to do with them (play, have a relaxing bath, so many meals to prepare and of course all the daily chores around the house), so most of the time I just wanted to relax on the couch and watch a movie. I don’t regret a thing…they grow up so fast and time goes by so fast that I want to live every moment with them. Now, Alexander is much taller than me – and I’m not a short woman! – every night he hugs me and kisses me goodnight because I usually go to bed first. I still hug Victoria because she’s still a little girl, but not for long… So don’t worry about the time you spend with the kids and don’t feel trapped in their schedule, time goes by sooooo fast.
So, before we worry about our child’s behaviour, let’s consider whether we provide stability and emotional security to our little ones.
