First-born children have enormous power within them
If their name could be written next to a word, it would go and stick to “expectation”. Because expectation surrounds these children from the moment they are born.
They are children born out of a love affair, but also born into doubt and uncertainty, as well as ignorance of the danger of raising them.
They grow up with parents who learn what means to be a parent for the first time. Parents who are so excited or frightened by the new role they were given, parents who test the boundaries they strictly set, and make mistakes they will never accept… until the next child comes.
And if you really think of a firstborn child, you will see that it’s as if they are the greatest human experiment. They always carry the weight of a dream and a wish for family happiness and success.
They do not easily apologise…after all, apologising shows that they are wrong…and being wrong shows weakness.
And if they ever feel weakness, they hide it from the world until they feel safe and free behind closed doors and loud music. They have no comparison! They are both unique and incomparable, because there is no younger child yet to become the new favourite toy of family and friends.
They enjoy everyone’s undivided attention, the gifts and toys that are new, the room that has their name on it, and being alone.
They learn how to walk proudly with their heads held high, even if they are shaking. They won’t show it, they are well-trained! Their only friendships are always with the “grown-ups” and they listen to adult conversations instead of brotherly laughter when playing with their toys.
And when the second child comes along, everything changes so quickly, and suddenly they no longer qualify for the title of the firstborn, but the title of the older. The older one who must share, move back, be a good example, care for and guide the new family member.
First-born children have characteristics of both their siblings and their parents, but with huge responsibilities that they don’t realise until they are older. And they manage those responsibilities, because that’s all they’ve been taught to do.
Their love is very intense! They may not show it in the usual way, and they may not hug you as you would like them to, because they have learned to be reserved. But when they express their feelings, they do it in a very delicate and meaningful way.
Although many consider them reactive and impatient, behind this image lies a constant attempt to control their behaviour.
They are in a hurry to grow up, because they are already big in their minds. They lose something from their childhood, to give it back to their brothers and sisters, who always effortlessly receive what the firstborn has struggled to earn.
They dream, and they dream a lot, they paint, they dance, they talk and then they are silent. They are afraid to say too much, until they decide and say what you never thought you could hear!
They may never have worn a cardigan, but they will yell at their younger sibling to take one with them so they won’t catch a cold. They are always in love, deeply and lonely, and hold a “I’ll make it” between their teeth.
And you know what? In a weird way, they always manage to do it…
This article was written from the bottom of my heart for my beloved child Alexander, who is the light of my life!
