20 Years of Marriage
I recently celebrated my 20-year wedding anniversary and I still can’t believe it! I have so many moments to remember and there are so many things that have happened during this period. It’s funny how the years go by and how many phases the relationship goes through.
I clearly remember that during the first years, we were very in love and crazy about each other. We were living our dream life! We would work until the afternoon and then we would be free to do whatever we wanted. We would frequently appreciate a nice walk in the park or on the beach, spending time with friends and family, a tasteful dinner at a restaurant, or attending a show.
We had the freedom to do whatever we wanted. Every year we would travel to a destination in Europe. We would spend our summer holidays at a beach somewhere in Greece and for the winter weekends, we would choose places in the mountains.
This lifestyle continued for the next two years or so until we decided to expand our family and have children. We felt blessed when I gave birth to a beautiful healthy boy who changed our lives forever. The first time I saw him during my C-section was a milestone for me. There are no words to describe that moment. Anything I could say would not be enough. Women who have given birth to a child can completely understand the significance of the moment I am referring to. It was a miracle for me! A little man born out of love, a creation of our own creation.
Raising a child is not a simple matter. A newborn is not accompanied by a user manual. Every child is unique and the truth is that you don’t know what to expect. I was determined to do the best I could to raise Alexandros. It was a challenge for me and to be honest it was the biggest in my life. I quit my job and devoted myself to Alexandros. The first month was very tough for me because I had a bad recovery and a lot of pain. Unfortunately, due to the intense pain and lack of guidance, I did not manage to breastfeed him. I only managed to give him a bottle of breast milk every day for a month. That was something that made me sad. Everything was new with Alexandros. It seemed as if there was always a question mark stuck in my mind as to whether I was getting the right decisions. As the days passed, Alexandros’ upbringing became easier. We would spend a lot of time playing, listening to music, dancing and walking in the parks. I had a creative full-time job!
After four and a half years a healthy little girl, Victoria, came into our lives. That was my second milestone moment. Luckily for me, this time the C-section didn’t cause me much discomfort. This time I was determined to make breastfeeding work. With the right guidance and personal effort, I managed to exclusively breastfeed Victoria. She was a girl that would cry a lot and eat very little but very often. For me, it was a very stressful period most of the time. I was alone during the day, with a boy full of energy and willing to play and a newborn who nursed every two hours 24/7 for six months. After the first month, I felt like a zombie, my body was overtired and my mind was malfunctioning.
It was a difficult and demanding period for our relationship. Children had changed our lives in ways we could not imagine. Although my husband and I would always have a smooth and understanding relationship with each other, the routine we lived and the fatigue we felt had indescribably changed our bonding and the way we used to communicate. John used to work so many hours and wanted to come home to relax for a while and reboot himself while I was looking forward to having a break from the kids and housework. We lived at completely different frequencies. Sometimes it was a chaos!
Needless to say, if you want something to work, you will find a way to make it happen. Determined to make our lives easier, we learned to overcome difficulties and tried to find other ways to cope with everyday life. John started working from home two days a week so that he could spend more time with the kids and I could decompress.
He usually worked during the kids’ nap time or after 8 pm when they were asleep. What personally helped me more was that once a week for 2-3 hours, either our parents or our brothers and sisters, would babysit our kids. In that way, I would have free time to do whatever I wanted. We would repeat the same process of babysitting once a week, usually on a Friday or Saturday night, so that we could spend some time together as a couple. This gave us the opportunity to reconnect, talk and enjoy each other’s company during a meal at a restaurant or a show.
Two years later we faced a very difficult situation. John’s company had been so badly hit by the financial crisis of 2012 that they unhappily decided to lay off most of the employees, including my husband.
That was a bombshell on our faces. With no other source of income, we felt desperate. Not to mention I was two months pregnant. We decided to make a fresh start and move to our house in the countryside. And so we did! The day after we moved, I lost the baby. It was meant to be…
Relocation was the best choice we made for our family. After a decade, we are now established in the small community of our region and I feel that our lives are balanced. We went through very difficult times during those years and, unfortunately, our relationship was tested very hard.
At some point I also had to deal with my worst nightmare…I was diagnosed with breast cancer.. Above all, the drugs made me nervous, Ι was forced into menopause, I was in a bad mood, I got tired very easily and I was scared every time I had to have tests and visit my doctors.
My husband was trying to cope with the new circumstances and understand me, but it was hard for him too. The children were mature enough to understand everything that was happening. It was a time I don’t want to remember at all. It was very, very hard for all of us. I felt like I had changed forever and that was something my family would have to accept and move on. They say that time heals and luckily for us, this was true. Even though I had a total hysterectomy after four years of cancer surgery, we were stronger as a family and got through it smoothly. This time, our family bond became stronger than ever.
As I write, we are all healthy and working, we have managed to have a harmonious life, we communicate as family and overall, we are happy! Over the years, we have not only gone through difficult times, but we also had many beautiful moments that have brought light to our souls. Hugs, laughs, jokes, games, rides, successful moments, moments of relaxation, the whole spectrum of beautiful family moments.
I want to emphasise on the difficult moments, the ones that make you forget who you are. The ones that keep you awake. The ones that bring you close to your “end”. Because these moments are the turning points that will either make you stronger and more capable of overcoming difficulties or they could be the ones that will destroy you and your relationship. So be kind to yourself, be brave, think of the good that comes from bad moments and regenerate. The result is liberating when you consider how much stronger the bonding with your family becomes. Life is bitter and sweet! And that is the meaning of life balance!
